Why do people get so uptight about ageing? Look at it in the right way, a fairground-mirror way, and it’s pure comedy.
In fact, when I’ve been through what I call ‘an ageing cluster’ (because contrary to popular belief, ageing doesn’t happen gradually but in clusters: nothing happens for months and then all of a sudden there’s a mass implosion), I have been known to fall about laughing in front of the mirror.
Of course, the hysterics tend to end in tears, floor-hammering and cries of ‘Whyyyyy?’ but you get my drift.
Jowls, however, are as unfunny as Italian game shows, replacement bus services and subsidence. They are basically human subsidence, but since I will never be prepared to excavate and rebuild my whole face (who has the money, and where would your soul reside while all that work was being done?), I launched a pre-emptive assault on Churchill-dog-face a decade ago using a miracle facial contouring device called NuFace.
This little gadget delivers such lifting results (after only five minutes of use a day) that if you ever fancy giving your friends a belly laugh, you could head down to the pub having done just one side of your face.
I hadn’t even contemplated trying anything else until I saw a newly taut-jawed friend who had just had her jowls blasted away with a non-invasive ultrasound treatment called Ultherapy at London’s renowned Cadogan Clinic. So off I went to consult the Cadogan’s Dr Maryam Zamani.
She had me at ‘non-invasive face lift’ and ‘zero downtime’ – but lost me again at ‘it feels like being gradually slightly electrocuted’. Still, definitely one to be filed away in the ‘when things get much worse’ category. And if there’s any hope of ending up looking like the ever-youthful Zamani, I’ll do whatever else she recommends. ‘In the end, it’s about investing in your face,’ she says. you can’t argue with that.
So where jowlage is concerned, you might want to consider making one of these investments…
The jowl tightening treatment
It’s quite the investment, but you can do it in your lunch break and there aren’t many noninvasive facial treatments that give you this much lift. so effective that friends will check for scarring.